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Lace Under My Armor

Someone told me I was one of the strongest women they know. Juggling a crippling set of battles and making it look easy.

I smiled… but something in me shifted.

Because strength has a way of being misunderstood.
People see what you carried.
They don’t always see what it cost you to carry it.

And before I could stop myself, I said it out loud:
“There is lace under my armor.”

Not everything about me is steel.
Not everything about me is survival.
There are still places in me that feel deeply.
Places that bruise.
Places that hope… even when hope has been stretched thin.

And right there… in this tender space… God met me with this:
2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Not weakness like quitting.
Not weakness like falling apart with no return.

But the kind that says…
I don’t have to be hard all the time.
I don’t have to pretend I am unaffected.
I don’t have to wear armor so tight that grace can’t get in.

And, I have learned about armor,
the belt of truth holding me steady,
the breastplate guarding my heart,
the shield lifted when the hits keep coming,
the helmet covering my thoughts,
the shoes that keep me standing when I’d rather sit down,
and the sword I reach for when I need to speak life.

Each piece doing what it was designed to do…
and still, not covering everything all the time.

There are moments when something sacred shows through;
a tender place,
an honest place,
a place still being healed.

Because His strength was never designed to sit on top of my perfection.
It settles into the soft places.
The honest places.
The lace.

So yes… I am strong.
But not because I stopped feeling.
Not because I became unbreakable.

I am strong because I let God meet me in the places that still are.

There is lace under my armor…
and sometimes, my slip shows.

And that is exactly where His grace rests.

Love,
Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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Not Chained. Positioned.

It’s 1:15 a.m.
The house is quiet, but my mind isn’t.
My spirit is talking, but my thoughts keep trying to interrupt. And if I’m honest, I don’t even want to go where my mind keeps taking me.

Because yesterday… I got burned.
Not a misunderstanding.
Not a small thing I can laugh off later.
Burned.
And not the kind you can just pray off and keep it moving like nothing happened.

And the part that makes it sit heavy in my chest is this: I’m still expected to show up tomorrow like nothing happened.
Smiling. Producing. Performing.
Because apparently… healing is not on the job description.

Because responsibilities don’t pause for disappointment. Bills don’t care about betrayal. And sometimes… purpose doesn’t immediately pull you out of uncomfortable places.

So there I was… sitting in the quiet, feeling tired in a way sleep can’t fix and the thought slipped in:

“I’m chained to this situation.”


Gee… I didn’t even like how that sounded coming out of my own mouth. But just as quickly… something in my spirit pushed back.

Not loud.
Not dramatic.
Just steady:

“You’re not chained… you’re positioned.”

Whew.

Because chained means stuck. No movement. No options. No end.
But positioned? Positioned means this is not permanent… no matter how long it’s been.
Positioned means there is purpose even here.
Positioned means you’re still on your way somewhere.

So I had to correct myself. I am not chained.
I am in transition with responsibilities.
And that changes how I stand in this space.

It means I don’t burn bridges out of frustration but I also don’t build my identity in a place that hurt me.

It means I pay attention. Because what hurt me also showed me something.
How people move.
What I can and cannot depend on.
Where I need boundaries.

What happened yesterday? That wasn’t just pain. That was data. And baby… I take notes.
And data helps you move wiser.

So instead of letting my mind replay the moment or fast-forward me into feeling stuck forever, I made a decision in the quiet:

I will deal with this tomorrow. Not at 1:15 a.m. Because I am not losing sleep over something God is already handling.

Because this hour isn’t for fixing. It’s for listening. And when I listened,I heard it clearly:
“I am not chained. I am collecting what I need before I move.”

So I’ll show up. I’ll do what needs to be done.
Not because they deserve my best… but because I do.

But I won’t shrink. I won’t forget who I am or whose child I am. And I won’t mistake a temporary season for a permanent assignment.

To be clear… just because I’m still here doesn’t mean I’m staying. Because even here,

God is still positioning me.



For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord… “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29



Love,
Chelle
DefyGravityWithoutWings.com 💛

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Paid For, Not Pending

It’s Easter weekend and if I’m honest, everything in my life isn’t lining up all neat and peaceful like the Cross might suggest.

There are still things that don’t feel right.
Still emotions that keep trying to rise up and take over the room. Still situations I could easily let steal my focus.

But I had to sit with a truth that didn’t ask me how I felt about it.

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him…” — Isaiah 53:5

Not will be. Was.

Which means… peace isn’t something I have to wait on. It’s already been paid for.

And somewhere between trying to figure everything out and trying to hold everything together… I realized I’ve been treating peace like it’s pending approval.

Like it’s waiting on people to act right.
Waiting on situations to settle down.
Waiting on life to cooperate.

But the cross didn’t come with conditions. It came with a receipt. Paid in full.

And if I’m honest… I’ve been holding my breath. Carrying things. Bracing myself.
Living like I’m about to be swallowed whole by everything I haven’t figured out yet.

But He didn’t just die.He got up.

“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” — 1 Corinthians 15:55

So I don’t have to live like I’m being swallowed anymore. I get to breathe the life He died to give me.
Not shallow.
Not rushed.
Not survival breathing.
Full, steady, grace-filled breath.

So today, I’m not fixing everything. I’m not forcing conversations. Not chasing resolution.

I’m receiving.
Peace in my mind.
Steadiness in my spirit.
Enough clarity for the next right step.

Because if Jesus already paid for it…
then I don’t have to earn it by exhausting myself. And maybe that’s the real freedom Easter offers. Not that everything around me changes overnight… but that I don’t have to be held hostage by it anymore.

So if you see me a little quieter today. A little less reactive… a little more settled than the situation calls for…just know I finally stopped holding my breath…

…and started living like the grave already lost.

Love, Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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His April Faithfulness

Even though today is April Fool’s Day…
for me, it marks something completely different.

Twenty-one years ago, I went from being a near-homeless divorcee with three kids in tow to becoming a homeowner in 90 days.

And I still smile when I think about it. Because I was so careful not to say anything that might disrupt what God was doing, that every time someone asked me, “Chelle, what are you going to do?” I would simply say, “I’ll tell you on Wednesday.”

There was nothing special about Wednesdays… except that it gave me somewhere to place my expectation.

And sure enough—every Wednesday—
God gave me something to say.
A step. A shift. A provision. A testimony.

So I kept showing up to Wednesdays. And when I finally walked into that house, on April Fools Day,  I found a Bible waiting for me.

Inside was a note from the selling  realtor that said: “Your bid was not the highest, but in 1955 this house was built for you. God has blessed it. Enjoy”

Confirmation of what I already knew.
This wasn’t luck.
This wasn’t timing.
This was God.

And here I am, twenty-one years later…
on another Wednesday.
Still standing.
Still provided for.
Still carried.

And if I’m being honest… at 2 a.m. this morning, life tried to get loud again.
Decisions. Pressure. Finances.
The kind of weight that makes your head hurt and your chest feel tight.

But somewhere between the worry and the whisper,  I found my footing again.

And this is what I stood on:
Lord, I trust You more than this situation.
Lord, I trust You more than what this situation is trying to tell me.
Lord, I trust You more than how I feel right now.
Lord, I trust You more than my need to control how this turns out.
Lord, I trust You to take care of me… no matter what this becomes.

Because I’ve seen this before.

Different details… same God.

So no… I don’t really do April Fool’s. Because I’ve lived long enough to know that God doesn’t play about His promises.

This isn’t April Fool’s to me. This is “His April Faithfulness.” A reminder that no matter what I face, God has always had my back.

Not always my way.
Not always my timing.
But always… faithfully.



Love, Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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Flowers Don’t Apologize

This prayer is for those who need to realize…
you can’t have flowers without the dirt… and some rain.

I know… we love the bloom.
We love the part people can see.
We love the color, the beauty, the evidence that something worked.

But real growth?
It doesn’t happen in the spotlight.

It happens down in the dirt.
In the messy places.
In the seasons that don’t look like anything is happening at all.

And if we’re being honest…
some of us have been side-eyeing the dirt in our lives.

Questioning it.
Trying to rush out of it.
Asking God why it had to be this way.

But this morning… let me remind you gently…

“His mercies are new every morning.”
— Lamentations 3:23

That means yesterday’s mess didn’t disqualify you. It didn’t ruin the process.
It didn’t cancel what God is growing in you.

It watered something.

Even the hard conversations. Even the tears.
Even the moments you wish you could redo.

God used it.

So yes… there may be some mud in your life right now. Yes… it may feel uncomfortable.
Yes… it may not look like growth yet.

But that doesn’t mean nothing is happening.
It means something is forming beneath the surface.

So today… we make a choice.
We choose to rejoice.
Not because everything feels good…
but because we trust what God is doing.

We rejoice in all things…
because we understand that dirt and rain
are part of the process of becoming.

And when it’s time to bloom…
You won’t have to explain a thing.

Flowers don’t apologize for the dirt it took to grow them.

Dear God,
Thank You for not wasting the dirt in our lives. Even the parts we didn’t choose…
even the seasons that felt heavy, messy, and unclear. 

Help us to trust You in the middle of it. When we don’t see growth…
when all we feel is the weight of the soil…
remind us that You are still working beneath the surface.


Teach us to stop resisting what You are using.
Give us the grace to endure the rain and the patience to wait for what is being formed.
And when it’s hard… help us to rejoice anyway. Not because everything feels good,
but because You are good in everything.

Grow us in the places we tried to escape.
Strengthen what we thought was breaking.
And when it’s time to bloom…
let it be undeniable that it was You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Love, Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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When You Finally Deal With the Root


I’ve been out there in the yard, minding my business, working on my garden. And while I was planning what I could grow…
I kept looking over at this little tree behind the garage.

Now let me tell you this thing has been cut down more times than I can count.
And every time I thought we were done?
Here it come again.
Fresh. Bold. Unbothered. Like it pays a light bill back there.

And what really got me?

I realized I would have a whole lot more room
to grow something good…if that little joker would just go on and leave.**

But it won’t.
Because it’s not gone.
It’s rooted.

As frustrating as it is, I’m not losing. I’m just not dealing with the part that matters.
Because clearly…
cutting it ain’t killing it.

Some of us living like that. We trimming behavior. Fixing attitudes—for a week. Saying “this time I mean it” with our whole chest.

Meanwhile the root sitting underground like:
“I’ll be back.”

See, we like surface work. It’s quicker. It’s cleaner. It lets us feel productive without being uncomfortable.

But roots?
Roots require honesty.
Roots require time.
Roots require letting God get into places we’ve been managing real well on our own.

And God, in all His love, will look at something we keep trimming and say: We not doing this again. Not because He’s harsh. But because He’s not interested in your exhaustion becoming your lifestyle.


“See, I have set you this day over the nations and over the kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to overthrow,
to build and to plant.” Jeremiah 1:10

Did you catch that order?
Pluck up first.
Then build.

Because God is not about to plant something new on top of something that keeps coming back.

Let me say it plain: Some of us don’t lack space for growth. We just haven’t removed what’s taking up room.

And I know… we get attached to our coping mechanisms. We get used to our patterns. We learn how to function with things that were never meant to stay.

But there comes a moment when you get tired enough to say: “Okay God…we not cutting this again. We removing it.”

Dear God, I see now that some things haven’t left because I haven’t let You deal with the root. Give me the courage to stop managing what You’re trying to remove. Clear out what’s taking up space in me so something better can grow. And help me trust that what You uproot is making room for something good.
Amen.



Love, Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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Step Off Now!

I walked out of the hospital holding back tears.

Not the kind that fall freely…
the kind that sit right behind your eyes
because your heart is full and heavy at the same time.

I had poured in. Tears. Prayers. Words of life. And I meant every bit of it.

Before I even made it off the elevator,
my mind had already started moving ahead of me…Who can I call?
What resources can I connect?
What can I put in place to help carry this?

By the time those automatic doors opened,
I had a plan forming. I was ready to do more.
Be more. Help more.

And right there,  as I stepped outside… I heard it in my spirit:

“Step off now.”

Not later.
Not after one more call.
Not after I “just check on one thing.”

Now.

And it didn’t match what I felt. Because everything in me wanted to stay involved.
To keep my hands in it. To make sure it would be okay.

But I’ve learned something… both in the garden and in life:

There are moments when the worst thing you can do is touch it.

When the soil is too wet even good hands make mud. You can have the best intentions.
The purest heart. The right tools. And still…do damage by stepping in too soon.


“In quietness and trust is your strength…” — Isaiah 30:15

Because sometimes strength doesn’t look like movement. Sometimes it looks like restraint.

In the garden, wet soil means wait.
Let it settle. Let the excess drain. Let the roots breathe again.

And here’s what took me time to learn…Not every plant needs constant tending.Some plants actually thrive when they are allowed to grow without being handled every day.

Too much touching…
too much adjusting…
too much checking… can stunt what was already trying to grow.

In life, in ministry… it’s the same.

I must trust God to show me which seeds I am assigned to plant… and which ones I am not meant to cultivate.

Because every seed I sow is not mine to steward long-term.

Some will be watered by others.
Some will be strengthened in places I will never see.
Some will grow best when I am no longer standing over them.

Doing nothing can feel like neglect. But sometimes it’s obedience.

That day, standing outside those hospital doors, I had to make a decision : Trust what I heard or trust what I felt.

And what I felt said: “Stay. Help. Fix it.”

But what I heard said:

“Step off.”

So I did.

Not because I didn’t care.

But because I trusted that God was already working in ways I could not see… and without making it muddier.

Truth:

Everything that’s messy is not mine to fix.

Some soil needs to settle before anything can grow. And some seeds need space to become
what God intended without my constant touch.


Dear Lord, teach me the difference
between when to step in and when to step back. When my heart wants to help,
but Your Spirit says wait…give me the strength to listen.

Help me trust that You are working even when my hands are still. Show me which seeds are mine to plant… and which ones I must release into Your care and the care of others.


Help me with trusting You with what I have  planted, even when I am not the one called to stay.

Love, Chelle
defygravitywithoutwings.com

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REFUSING TO BE EDITED: Zora Neale Hurston


Before the acclaim.  Before the syllabus. Before the rediscovery. 

There was a girl in Eatonville, Florida. One of the first all-Black incorporated towns in America. A place where Black men held office. Black businesses lined the streets. Black authority was ordinary. Zora did not grow up learning inferiority. She grew up witnessing Black self-governance.She later said she only felt “colored” when she left Eatonville. That foundation mattered.


Her mother told her to “jump at the sun.”
Then her mother died when Zora was thirteen.
Stability fractured. She was sent away. She worked as a maid. She fought for schooling. She even shaved years off her age to qualify for education she refused to surrender. She made her way to Howard University. Then to Barnard College — the only Black woman in her class.

Zora did not enter literature quietly. During the Great Depression, she worked under the Works Progress Administration, a federal New Deal program created to provide jobs for unemployed Americans. Through its Federal Writers’ Project, writers were paid to document American life.

Zora used that platform to travel the South collecting Black folklore. She sat on porches recording stories, sermons, songs, dialect. She preserved language as it was spoken — not polished for respectability. That was civil rights work.

She treated everyday Black life as worthy of scholarship at a time when much of the country treated it as caricature. But Zora did not always align with the popular script.

She did not write protest novels on demand.
She did not center white oppression in every paragraph. She resisted narratives that reduced Black identity to suffering alone. And when the Supreme Court decided Brown v. Board of Education in 1954 — declaring segregated public schools unconstitutional — Zora publicly criticized aspects of the ruling.

Not because she supported segregation.
But because she rejected the quiet assumption that proximity to whiteness was the only path to equality.  She believed integration should not come at the cost of Black institutional pride or self-determination. She worried that dependence on white approval could weaken Black autonomy.

That stance placed her at odds with much of the civil rights leadership of her time. Some admired her independence. Some felt she undermined the movement. Some labeled her out of step. She kept writing anyway.

Their Eyes Were Watching God centered a Black woman’s voice, love, desire, and interior life. Not as political slogan — but as full humanity.
Joy, for Zora, was not a distraction from struggle. Joy was defiance.

And then — she died in 1960, poor and largely forgotten. Buried in an unmarked grave in Florida. No parade. No national mourning.
No bestseller comeback.

Years later, her work was rediscovered. Her grave was marked. Her voice returned to classrooms and conversations. Forgotten in her time. Found again by the next.

Zora reminds us that civil rights is not only marches and lawsuits. It is also narrative. It is who defines Black life. It is the refusal to shrink complexity for acceptance. She was brilliant and sometimes difficult. Independent and sometimes misunderstood. Unapologetic when it cost her.

CARRY THIS WITH YOU
Where have you been told that success requires you to leave something of yourself behind? Zora teaches us that preserving who you are — even when misunderstood — is its own form of resistance.

BREADCRUMB
Not all revolution is loud. Some of it sounds like porch laughter, a stubborn pen, and a woman refusing to be edited by her era.

We see you, Zora Neale Hurston — for telling our stories without apology.
Bread Crumbs — for those coming after us.
Victorious without reward. Still here.

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Freedom House Ambulance Service.  They Built The System

In the late 1960s, Pittsburgh’s Hill District was a historic Black neighborhood — culturally rich, economically battered.

Urban renewal had displaced families and shuttered businesses. Hospitals were distant. Emergency transport was often handled by funeral homes or police wagons with little medical training. In Black neighborhoods across America, ambulance service frequently meant delay without treatment.

People were dying not only from injury —
but from the absence of care.

In 1967, that absence met resistance.

Out of the Hill District came the Freedom House Ambulance Service — one of the first professionally trained paramedic units in the United States.

Under the medical vision of Peter Safar, a pioneer of CPR and modern resuscitation, and through the clinical leadership of Nancy Caroline, Freedom House became more than an experiment.

Nancy Caroline did not observe from a distance.
She wrote curriculum.
She rode in the ambulances.
She trained the men personally.
She demanded mastery.

She helped build one of the nation’s first structured paramedic training programs and later authored Emergency Care in the Streets, a foundational EMS textbook used across the country and internationally.

The standards were not lowered for the Hill District.
They were raised.

The men recruited into Freedom House were largely unemployed Black residents. Some were Vietnam veterans. Many had been labeled “untrainable.”

They became among the first paramedics in America.

Among the early paramedics were:

John Moon
Mitchell Brown
Timothy McCall
Wesley Lee
Walter Brown
Dennis Williams

And others whose names history is still restoring.

They mastered advanced cardiac life support, airway management, trauma stabilization, and mobile intensive care techniques. They responded to thousands of calls. Their survival rates were strong. Their professionalism undeniable.

They were not ambulance drivers.
They were architects of modern emergency medicine.

In 1975, the City of Pittsburgh dissolved Freedom House and created a new municipal EMS system.

The training model remained.
The protocols remained.
The infrastructure remained.

The leadership did not.

The new city EMS became predominantly white.
The Black paramedics who had proven the model were no longer centered in the system they built.

Their experiment became policy.
Their innovation became ordinance.
Their presence became history.

Public memory credited institutions.
The Hill District remembered who carried the stretchers.

Several Freedom House members continued careers in emergency medicine and public service. Others carried the quiet distinction of having transformed pre-hospital care long before the country was ready to credit them.

Modern EMS systems and structured 911 response protocols carry their fingerprints.

They were not a pilot program.
They were a foundation.

“The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.” — Psalm 118:22


BREADCRUMB
Sometimes the rejected become the infrastructure.



We see you, Freedom House:
John Moon.
Mitchell Brown.
Timothy McCall.
Wesley Lee.
Walter Brown.
Dennis Williams.
And the others whose names deserve light.
You brought intensive care into neglected streets. You professionalized emergency response in America.


You turned crisis into curriculum.

Bread Crumbs — for those coming after us.
Victorious without reward.
Still here.

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My Survivor Song Knows My Name.

I was listening to one of my favorite songs—“He Knows My Name”—and my emotions spilled out before I could stop them.
It happens like that sometimes.
After a rough moment.
After allowing myself—again—to be hurt by someone who never really took the time to know me.
Not my heart.
Not my story.
Not the way I learned to survive.


I didn’t even realize how much I was carrying until that song started playing.
And suddenly, there it was—grief, relief, truth—all at once.


Because here’s the greatest thing about God:
He knows my name.
And not just my name—He knows my nickname too.
The one spoken by people who love me.
The one I only answer to when I feel safe.


He knows me with the mask—the strong one, the capable one, the superhero version that keeps showing up.


And He knows me without it—the tired, tender, still-hoping version I don’t always let the world see.


The real me.
Not the performance.
Not the usefulness.
Not the resilience résumé.


This song reminds me that I don’t confuse God.
I don’t disappoint Him by being human.
I don’t have to explain myself into being worthy of love.
It’s my Survivor Song because it tells the truth I forget when I’m hurting:
I am already known.
Already named.
Already held.
And when I rest in His arms, I don’t need armor.
I don’t need a script.
I don’t need to be brave for one more minute.
I am safe.


With and without the mask.
With and without the cape.
Somewhere along the way, I learned to confuse being needed with being known.
But God never made that mistake.


So today, if you’re feeling unseen—
if you’re nursing the quiet ache of being misunderstood—
let the reminder rise up like a song in your chest.
You are known by name.
You are held without pretending.
You are safe in His arms.
And sometimes… surviving looks like letting yourself be known—first by God, and then by yourself.
“I have called you by name; you are Mine.” — Isaiah 43:1


Love, Chelle