I would have fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. – Psalms 27:13
1/7/18. I will always remember that date like it was a star date in the Star Trek Captain’s Log.
Started off as a normal Sunday set-up. I had just cleaned up the area around the sound booth and was adjusting everything to get ready for that morning’s praise and worship. Service was a running a few minutes behind, but we were still fresh off our morning’s high of pre-worship hour prayers.
Then it happened. My phone rang. I almost never answer it during service. In fact, two minutes before I had nudged one of our teenagers about having their phone in use during Sunday school.
But I recognized the number. That familiar 264 exchange that every “kidney” family in my region of Virginia recognizes.
Breathless, full of anticipation, and almost terrified, palms and face sweating in two seconds flat, I answered to the coordinators voice…. “WHERE ARE YOU?”
You see, protocol call dictates that when the organ sharing center receives a possible match, you must call the prospective recipient to make sure they are within four hours of their chosen transplant hospital. Once whereabouts are confirmed, they then say they will call you back and promptly hang up.
Yes, you read that right. In one of the shakiest moments of your life, they hang up with a promise to call you back within an hour…..or so…. If it is a good match.
I was still in the sound booth. My son was sitting on his favored spot approximately 6 rows in front of me. I didn’t know whether to tell him or not that his life was about to change because we had been disappointed by these phone calls twice before.
I simply texted him “be ready to go when I tap you.”
His answer to me was a simple “Ok”. Never even asked why. Just trusted that if I said go, we go.
For me, on the other hand, this would be the longest 59 minutes of my entire life. Seems like time and space stood still. Room temp was suddenly too warm for me and the air too stale. I can’t remember if I set the microphones correctly… pastor could have been screaming and I would not have heard him. The praise and worship team was faithfully belting out songs that my impatient ears could not discern. All I could distinguish was the rhythm of the beating drum that was now matching my racing heartbeat.
Just about 45 minutes into the process, I had to set a course correct. Not on the sound board, but in myself. I had to steady myself on a bumpy ride by apologizing to God, to Jesus, to Holy Spirit. I had become so consumed with that phone call I forgot to continue in personal worship and attention to the Word being brought forth. I was esteeming what I wanted from God…more than I was esteeming God.
It was as if in that moment, Holy Spirit was ringing within my heart and asking “WHERE ARE YOU?”
I steadied myself. I readied myself. I began to worship through tears of pending decision, proclaiming that as much as I wanted this gift to release my son from 5 years of agonizing dialysis treatments, that I wanted the Presence of the Lord even more.
As my spiritual belly began to be filled with more and more of knowing that God was with me no matter what, I heard in my spirit, “hang up” and I looked down and the phone I had been clutching in my hand rang.
Tearfully I answer. Joyfully, 58 minutes into the wait, the coordinator responded……”HOW FAST CAN YOU GET HERE?”
And such is the stuff of our walk in Christ!!!!
How often have we positioned ourselves to want and need from God, some things directly tied to a promise that we are sure He made to us, and then only to find ourselves in a position that seemed more than we can bear. We sadly turn our “knock and the door shall be open” approach to believing into a heartsick lifestyle of being unfulfilled, unsatisfied and yes, even unbelieving unless we see the manifestation of the desire.
Hebrews 11:6 instructs us that “he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Note it says “diligently seek Him”. Not diligently seek it.
In our individual journeys, we must be careful to remember when God calls to ask “Where Are You” that we be found seeking Him and not just the “thing” we are in hopes of. We need to be diligently obsessed with His Word, trusting His timing and praising His goodness even when it seems if all will fall apart.
And when He “hangs up,” we need to trust that He will indeed call again. While we wait, we need to focus on Him and His goodness. Hang up on any thought that causes you to doubt and despair. We need to abandon our consumption with the “will He” notions of whether we will be given that perfect mate. Ignore the siren of ticking biological clock. Avoid the stress of will the money come in time. Steel yourself to know more of Him….even when your child’s life is in the balance..
Trust God and His Goodness. . Even when it seems distant….it is in God’s plan. Even if it turns differently that what you expect, it is in His plan. Even if it is a no…because of reasons greater than we understand….better is in His plan.
Let the love of Him guide you. Let knowing that He only wants the best for you to guide you. Understand that loving Him more than anything you could ask for or desire is key in the knowing that soon He will be looking to call you to higher heights and greater blessings. Some so marvelous that you will forget what you originally wanted. Reset your control and let God have His way with it.
One last question. He wants to know and I am a bit curious in my prayers for you too.
Since we are confident that God is always on time, how soon can YOU get here?!