Why Me

I suppose I will answer in fuller detail later. But I was asked earlier about my “why me?” moments. My answer was this: of course I have them. But I try simply to avoid them because then I find my spiritual self asking my carnal self “why not me? ” to which both sides have lofty answers. And then the fight ends with the question to which no pure soul can answer with a holy heart “Who would I rather God had picked instead?”

Cancer sucked. Surgery sucked. Chemo really sucked. And I suppose my upcoming radiation will too. But no where do I believe I have a target on my back. My name is not Job or Job-ette. We live in a world where stuff happens even to those who love God and are loved by God. The magnificent difference is I am never alone. I would have lost my mind without His ever presence.

Would I have chosen this path? A resounding NOPE. But nor would I choose to hand it off to someone else. There is none else worthy to walk in my shoes nor is none else deserving to have the pain I bear walking in my shoes.
I fight on believing that purpose and goodness shall come out of this. That nothing I have experienced, bad or good, is in vain.

I shall not waste time wondering “why” on many days. I would rather spend the many days wondering how to powerfully live.

2 thoughts on “Why Me

  1. When my husband passed away and the grief was so horrible I’m sure that I asked”why me” and I’m sure I asked “why not me”. .. but I never thought about who else I would have wanted God to pick. What a profound thought….you know there is no way you could ever wish that pain on anyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

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