
Your Mask


No matter what happens on election day, you can choose to do good!
Caught between
What my heart feels, what my eyes behold, and what my soul can’t rest on.
Leaning not on my own understanding while crying out for an answer.
Empathy and sympathy while being confused.
Praying while angry.
Respecting opinions while finding out some friends are closet racists.
Wanting my babies to be fierce but fearing what that means in a world that fears them.
Wanting to shield them with my heart and my body while knowing crying out for mama won’t help you survive.
Caught in the divide between what I’ve been taught and what I have learned.
Wanting to be colorblind while being POC.
On my knees. Taking a knee. Death by knee.
Wanting to shut out the images but feeling irresponsible for hiding.
To be young, black and gifted. To be old, black, and tired.
To Be Black. To Be Black. To Be Black.
Trying to stay quiet cause my soul hurts. But I see the division amongst friends, family and houses of worship on the best way to handle all of this and to make sure it does not continue to plague our people.
The truth of the matter, we have a common goal for peace, for liberty, for justice and health both physical and mental. Our minds, our experiences and our faith dictate to us the push or the pull methods to get it done.
Honestly though, my biggest pains are not knowing exactly what has the impact and what will have the quickest but lasting results.
Is it fight in prayer? Is it fight with fist? Is it fight in separation? Is it fight for equality or for equity? Is it fight with my money? Is it not fight at all?
But, while we fight against a common enemy of oppression, let us not fight each other….at least not with disrespect. None of us are entirely right. Nor are any of us entirely wrong.
Some where in the middle is leadership and a plan. Be heard. Be silent. Be whatever you are called to be. But please let us not be against each other.
Many roads will lead to a common place. Let’s get there together.
Caught between
What my heart feels, what my eyes behold, and what my soul can’t rest on.
Leaning not on my own understanding while crying out for an answer.
Empathy and sympathy while being confused.
Praying while angry.
Respecting opinions while finding out some friends are closet racists.
Wanting my babies to be fierce but fearing what that means in a world that fears them.
Wanting to shield them with my heart and my body while knowing crying out for mama won’t help you survive.
Caught in the divide between what I’ve been taught and what I have learned.
Wanting to be colorblind while being POC.
On my knees. Taking a knee. Death by knee.
Wanting to shut out the images but feeling irresponsible for hiding.
To be young, black and gifted. To be old, black, and tired.
To Be Black. To Be Black. To Be Black.
“This is what He wanted to do and it gave Him great pleasure.”
(Ephesians 1:5b NLT)
Every day people are in search of someone to love. Someone to care for and be cared for by. They have an image in their heads of size, hair color, personality, affection and security. Most often, though, that plan is reduced to a simple statement of “I will know it when I see it.”
It is this search for not just a companion, but someone to take great care for, that sends many right past the specialty shops in the mall. Right past the big box gatherings. Right past the matches of pure perfection and straight to the misfit mutt at the local pound.
Yes, I am talking about a puppy. Or am I?
Amongst the human race, especially in these turbulent times, are many of us who feel very much like that…
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My thought for tonight is simply this:
I wonder if our loss of freedom to move about in humanity has made us more human.
In the past 6 weeks,
I have cherished memories more than I ever have.
I have pushed aside the past more than I ever have
I have mourned more people at once than I ever have.
I have had to be more creative to show my care than I ever have.
I have had to give and serve more than I ever have.
I have I looked for more moments to laugh than I ever have
I have realized it is okay to cry more than I ever have.
I have experienced the need for music more than I ever have.
I have searched for pockets of silence more than I ever have
I have worked harder than I ever have.
I have been more purposeful in play than I ever have.
I have fought to hold on to dreams more than I ever have
I have fought off nightmares more than I ever have.
I have been mindful to conserve more than I ever have
I have mindlessly indulged more than I ever have
I have been more thankful of home than I ever have
I have longed for outdoors more than I ever have.
I have been more grateful for health more than I ever have
I have been more anxious about health than I ever have
I rejoice more for the resilience of my children than I ever have
I sorrow realizing they don’t need me as much than I ever have
I take notice of the brilliance of colors more than I ever have
I take notice of the presence of darkness more than I ever have
I steer from the residuals of human touch more than I ever have
I long for the residuals of human touch more than I ever have.
I see crises makes lonely more than I ever have
I see crises makes us one more than I ever have.
I feel more human now than I ever have.
I feel He is God more now than I ever have
Funny how fears can rule you.
All of my life I have refused to eat any food that moves, Jello, Pudding, or running eggs. Don’t know why but it has always been a stomach turning thing.
This morning, I was in a situation where I either had to eat or be rude and not eat at all. Tempted as I was, I figured I would at least taste the thingy called a “Croque”… loaded with special cheeses, thick toast, tomato Jam, and dripping on top… a sunny side up egg.
To make matters worse, I had just talked about in Bible study last night about not being afraid to try all that life has for you. I talked about after fighting cancer for a year, everything else seemed easy.
Well I will be dern…. It was absolutely delicious. Movement and all. . I want another. Still aint eating no pudding or jello though. LOL.
While I waited to hear back on a very special “flight”, I was awaken around 1 a.m. with an amazing feeling of God expressing His love to this person.
It is what I prayed for my very special friend who found Christ late in life and went on to do some amazing things for the Kingdom. Though I know God honored his service with extended life and people who loved him and his infectious laughter, I asked that he would feel an amazing sense of being loved “just because” God does.
It made me giggle with joy and pray my beloved Doc C did too.
I also pray now for some folks in my life who have not come to know Christ for varying reasons. You may think I am nuts sometimes, but I try to impress on you that God is good despite life circumstances or the hand you have been dealt. I want you to know this love and why it makes me Peaceful when you wonder why I am not falling apart.
It’s not about rules or regulations or anything remotely religious. Its about a God who loves you, hurts for you, moves for you and works it out if we pay attention. Nobody is trying to change you. But this love does it when you truly let it in.
It’s not about being a religious freak or perfection……have you met me yet? LOL. Being set apart for God is what being Holy is. And that being set apart is based on you feeling His love and never wanting Him not to know yours. Your actions follow suit.
God loves you the way you are. His love improves you and uses your flaws to love on others. If you truly know me, then you only love me because God loved me first. If any flaw in me has steered you away from Christ…..I beg you to forgive me and let’s fix it.
To the person who feels like they are going thru hell and that God does not care. Look again. Look again.
He is there in the friend who sent you ginger snaps when chemo would not let you eat. He is there is the nurse who smiled at you just a little extra to get you thru. He is there is the coworker who sends you an emoji every morning to motivate you to live. He is there in the person who sent you food for no reason. He is there in the 100 bill somebody felt they just had to give you and you needed it.
He is there in the songs that bring you joy. He is there in the counseling sessions. He is there in the eyeglass cleaner delivered every Christmas (you know who you are.) He is there when your grandkids overwhelm you with kisses.
He is there through tough times and sorrows. He holds you when no one else will. And you wonder why you didn’t lose your mind…it was Him holding it together.
And this is for a very specific friend: He was there in every Star Wars movie. He was there in every recipe you perfected. He was there and used Optimus Prime to bring a message. He was there in Bumblee. And for Pete’s sake He is there with them crazy cats of yours. Lol. He was there during our elementary school days when you would hear my church choir wooing you but we’re afraid to come in because segregation still existed. Who do you think made us sing so freaking loud!!!! . He sent a ram in the bush to get you out of a bad situation as a child. Your family was not perfect. No earthly family is. But God whispered more times than you noticed and He is still whispering.
To all of us, just because the Red Sea has not parted for you or you have not noticed a burning bush yet, does not mean God has not loved you. People disappoint you. They disappoint God. But His love overcomes and with some focus….We can see it everywhere and in everything.
I write this with tears in my eyes because today….more than anything I want my friends and loved ones to giggle with God’s Presence today. I want to arise in Glory someday to see our comedy club section. Filled to the brim with the joy of God’s love.
Please if you need me to show you the way…..reach out to me. I’m coming for you….but hoping you catch me first.
Sincerely written in love and with hope.
Chelle