Category: chemotherapy

Image

Day Two: See-Saw For One

Posted in cancer, chemotherapy, faith, God, health, inspiration, love, relationshipsTagged , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Ironically,  the thing I love most about myself is also the thing I love the least…… That I am a tower of Ironies.

I will give unselfishly to some to the point of costing myself.  Then selfishly to some others hoping they would return a kindness just so I can feel loved. 

I am quick to pray for, hug and comfort a complete stranger in need of “just somebody.”  But will proceed with caution with anyone who is supposed to love me….wondering what it is they really want…from me.

I can wrestle with an angel and sometimes a devil on your behalf and full rejoice in your freedom. While secretly dying inside, wondering when it will be my turn,  If it will be my turn. 

It is a super power that I can operate this see-saw alone. It’s my kyptonite that sometimes I wish someone would deem me worthy to ride with me but let me have the good end. 

But even in the midst of what may seem very bipolar, I have come to learn that loving when I feel unloved, makes me all the more worthy. Not externally though. Loving me from within takes work and courage….. but I am so with it and worthy.

I ACCEPT ALL THAT I AM. I AM WORTH LOVING MYSELF TODAY

Image

Day 1. My Day

Posted in cancer, chemotherapy, faith, God, health, inspiration, love, relationships, selfhelp, UncategorizedLeave a comment

Day 1

My day was also my day most terrified, but yet day most determined.

2500 people on a hot summer night watching me pour out my soul on the stage of the Dogwood Dell.  An outdoor venue. Hot and perfuming ironically with a bug spray aptly entitled “Off.”

5 minutes was all the stage time I got .  5 minutes of feeling all my 55 years and display and figuratively,  naked.. An original piece that I prayed most will never understand.  The musings of a sad little clown reclaiming her share of joy

.  I made some laugh and made some cry. Some applauded. Some politely attentive wondering what the imagery in my word salad was all about. One in particular showed up to mock me and hope that I would fail. In a moment of fear, I tripped,  but I did not fall in my moment of truth and freedom.

But I prevailed alone on that mic in a hot bubble of a spotlight. Speaking in veiled  colors about differences, disabilities,  challenges, hurt, loves lost, death but also reclaiming my right to be seen, heard, treated kindly, honored and never again to be defeated by my past.

A deafening round of applause at the final bow was nothing compared to the rhythm of a heart beat corrected to believe….. no, corrected to know that  I am worthy

Image

I know there are bigger things to worry about in this world,  but every year since my grandma died, I have been her version of the Christmas Mother. With all that has been going on and recuperating, I had to scale way back this year. I feel like a lost puppy without being in the thick of it.What was irritating me most is having an assembled tree without a single ornament on it.  I had decided that this year, the theme would be prayer, but I never got the ornaments made I intended.  So I am looking at this unadorned evergreen and hearing the message loud and clear……..perpetual unpretentious prayer from the heart is the best Christmas gift.So as I order up some store bought ornaments to go with the one handmade one I’m attempting to finish by then, I will pray for family and friends with the lifting of each one. Send me your prayer requests so that I can put yours in place.

Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, christmas, God, health, inspiration, love, money, relationships, selfhelp, UncategorizedLeave a comment
Image

Entertained By Angels

Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, christmas, God, health, inspiration, love, money, relationships, selfhelp, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

My God, My God.

After my very good doctor’s appt today, my husband & I went to a restaurant a bit out of our way, but I insisted because I wanted to see my fav waitress, Theresa Ann Hatch . Long story short, a couple from Columbus, Ohio were also drawn to detour and find Satterwhites. After they left, Theresa tells us that the gentleman said God told him to pay for our meal. When I ran out to find them in the parking lot he says she wasn’t supposed to tell me but since I was there……..he read all the mail in my heart from all the letters I have ever written to God. Had me crying in the parking lot. Talked my hearts desires and my need for rest and that God doesn’t expect a minster like me to try to rescue the whole world but do my part. He also said I need to get in my head how much God loves me and not just in a generic sense.

He never gave me a chance to say a word, so everything he said was 100% from God. They held on to me, and it brought a peace that I can not describe. Oddly my eyes were still dilated from my retina appt so I couldn’t get a grasp of what they looked like, just that they had a glow about them that wasn’t hurting my eyes like the sun does when your eyes are dilated. I don’t know if God will allow me to see them again in this life as they were just passing through, but My God, My God, I believe I entertained angels.

Image

Smiles And Tears Cake

Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, christmas, God, health, inspiration, love, money, relationships, selfhelpTagged , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

When a situation births the twins of joy and pain, it makes me feel schizophrenic.


My go-to response is to clean the kitchen and bake something new. Mess up what I just fixed with goodies I will never eat. Provide delight to others while I’m screaming inside. Ministering sweets to others when I need a taste for myself.

My current loss is another’s gain. I feel quite selfish in wanting to hold on to someone who I am happy is finally free.

I know. I know. It is not the end of all things. We will meet again, at some junction, some highway, under some rainbow.


She liked to say I put my “foot in that!”.
Naw gurl! It’s smiles and tears.

Smiles and Tears
Image

Reset

Posted in cancer, chemotherapy, christmas, God, health, inspiration, love, relationshipsTagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Today, I reset but will not rewind.

I will no longer take cuts with knives I sacrificed for and be hit with stones that I have the deed to. I must say so long to my “Job’s” friends (from the Bible, not work) who need to eclipse me in order to find shine. I will no longer fill voids and patch wounds while being left on battlefields alone. I can no longer be held hostage for my portion or my inheritance

I have never claimed to be perfect or to have all the answers. Life never gave me an easy button or a GPS. I never had the finer things but would give you the shirt off my back. Never had gold in my pocket but every penny you had access to. I did my best with the hand I was dealt. That’s all God requires of m, and in my matured year, I am learning that is a very good thing.

Lord, forgive me for hearing their voices over Yours. I return to the peace you purchased and the love you freely give. I am bruised but not broken. Cast down but not destroyed. Though I sometimes stumble, I will dance with the limp I got and to the song I write.

Image

I Love Her And You

Posted in cancer, chemotherapy, God, health, inspiration, love, relationshipsTagged Leave a comment

Though this is the last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the fight for “Pink To Just Be A Color & Not A Diagnosis ” continues. As exhausting as this month has been running everywhere being #rudeaboutboobs, having women along the way promise to get that overdue #smashagrams has been worth it. Even had a lady almost 20 years overdue with a high family history, bite the bullet and be overjoyed that fear turned into a clean report. This month was about You, Your Loved Ones and keeping alive the ones who hold the family together. Today’s Pink is dedicated to Me. Not ego tripping. Just loving on the girl I almost lost and the Warrior she has become.

#breastcancersurvivor #breastcancerawareness #rudeaboutboobs

Bloom Again

Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, christmas, God, health, inspiration, love, relationships, UncategorizedTagged , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

YOUR LESSON FOR TODAY.
A few days ago I was going to toss it because the other early blooms had died and it was looking rough. But I choose to cut away the dead parts and sure up the soil for what looked like one last shoot.  I tied her to a bamboo stick for support.  And within days this happens!!!

So take note, no matter what life looks like you will bloom again.  Just remember:
1. Let Go of the dead habits and toxic folks along for the ride.
2. Check your roots and use some self care to fertilize your path
3. Tie yourself to a good support system Faith – Family – Good Friends and pro counseling!

 -In Loving Memory of Edelmira Brown. November 1969 – October 2022






			





			
				


	

		
Rude About Boobs 2022

				

			Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, God, health, inspiration, love, relationships, selfhelpTagged , , , , , Leave a comment		

			


		

			

	
	

		











Today I practice what I preach. Checking in at 7:15 a.m. for my repeat 3D Smash-a-gram.  Its 3 a.m. now and while I should be sleeping, I am up thinking about the ridiculously pink outfit I will wear today. My attempt to warn every woman I walk past today to not to let this happen to them. 

It hits different once you have  had BC knock on your door. You don’t complain about the discomfort as much. You are not as shy about being half naked in front of strangers.  You accept the fact that yours takes longer and costs more than a regular test.  You understand that you will not be allowed to leave until several people “read” you.  You hold your breath and try to be tough while you wait for the nurse to come back with a “thumbs up.” 

Yes, I’m still at it. Being rude and talking about boobs!  LOL. But I forfeit my right to be private in order to save lives.  I lost 4 years of my “normal life”. I know others that lost all of theirs . An hour once a year…every year just may give you yours back!!!!!!

#rudeaboutboobs #singchelle #breastcancersurvivor  #breastcancerawareness


			





			
				


	

		
#rudeaboutboobs

				

			Posted in cancer, cancer, chemotherapy, God, health, inspiration, love, relationships, selfhelpTagged , , , , , , Leave a comment		

			


		

			

	
	

		

On this last day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I just want to remind you that it is not just about one month but about one life, one family, one community, and one world at a time.





 I still believe there is a cure out there but in the meantime there are things you can do to help yourself and your loved ones fight against a disease that robs so many families of the caregivers. Early detection is key. Get them Smash-A-Grams, do your monthly feels, and have honest conversations with your doctor.





 Love each other enough to be #rudeaboutboobs .